A bit of a Flashback: Let me Eat Your Pancreas

Hey hey, today isn’t going to be a review or my usual stuff. Today we go…

… Personal.

Yeah, a little self-reflection I felt after watching the movie. If you want to read my review of the movie, click here!

What element triggered the flashback? I would say the whole setting.

 

 

Back when I was a kid… I would say elementary school level, I was a librarian, for about 2 years. I used to love reading back then, so I decided to be a librarian.

It was my 2nd year in the school, but my 1st as being a librarian.

There was a girl who walked in, asked for some books, and I got the books for her and gave them to her. She then sat down at a table by herself and read them. I’m serving the afternoon shift, which was 2-6pm. She read from 3 till I have to close the library.

“Sorry, but I’m closing the library…” I approached her and said.

“Ah? It’s this late already? May I borrow them?” She asked.

“Sure, just give me your student pass.”

And yeah you know what happens here.

“Here are your books and your pass… Remember to return them in 2 weeks.”

“Thank you…”

“Have a nice day.”

And yeah, the day ended just like that.

The next day, I’m on duty again, same time too. She came slightly earlier this time, about 2.30pm.

Her: “I’m here to return my books.”

Me: “Eh? So fast?”

Her: “I read them the whole night…”

Me:  “Oh okay…” and then I processed the returned books.

Her: “Is the library club still looking for applicants?”

Me: “Erm… yeah, we have vacant spots, you can tell I’m alone most of the time…”

Her: “I want to join!”

Me: “Sure…” and I passed her an application form.

She wrote it quickly and passed it to me.

Me: “I will pass it to the club leader tomorrow…”

Her: “Thank you!” and she carried on with her stuff, getting more books to read.

She stayed there till the library have to close again. The limit of books borrowing for students is 3. so she grabbed 3 books to borrow back. Librarians can borrow 6, so I thought that she joined the club for that reason.

The next week, I entered the library, about to do my duty, and she’s already there.

Her: “Hi!”

Me: “I guess you joined the club.”

Her: “Yeah…”

Me: “I guess you joined the club to borrow 6 books?”

Her: “Not really.”

Me: “Hmm? What is your reason then?”

Her: “I want to talk to you!”

Me: “Huh?”

Her: “I have been observing you for quite awhile, and you are always alone on duty… Is there a reason?”

Me: “Some peace and quiet, and also I can play games on the computers here when no one is around.”

Her: “I guess you don’t want me to be around?”

Me: “Erm, it’s fine. A change of pace isn’t that bad.”

Her: “That’s great… I’m going to pick my 6 books to borrow for today…”

Me: “Okay… sure.”

We were both still rather awkward for a few days. But slowly her repeated attempts to open me up worked out, I started to talk to her more.

I was young back then, so I don’t know the meaning of love, so I didn’t put romance as my first thought or feeling, all I wanted was a close friend.

As classes and homework started to pile up in my 3rd year in school, I decided to quit the club at the end of that year. Her face shown disappointment, I will never forget that face she showed me when I broke the news.

She then suggested we hang out before we lose contact. So I said maybe after the exams, during December holidays.

The day came quickly, we spent the whole day walking around shopping malls, watched a movie and also ate lunch and dinner together.

The day ended with both of us saying goodbye.

You may think that, “You two are in the same school, you two will meet eventually.” That’s not how it works.

Primary School lasts for 6 years, and there is about 6-8 classes, depending on cohort size, per level. Each class has 40 people. If you do the math, yeah, it is one packed school. And besides, we have different class schedules. So finding one another is actually an ACTUAL challenge. It’s like a city in there.

We lost contact ever since. I actually forgotten about her until I watched the movie.

So yeah, now that I think back after watching the movie, I did have a slight crush on her, but I was still young back then, so I didn’t put romance as my first thought.

So, yeah, that’s it. I do have more self-reflection posts that are in the works. These posts take quite awhile to write because I constantly contemplate whether I want to share it, or should I be detailed about the story…

So yeah, that’s it from me for this rather… realistic post. Do you experience such weird nostalgia that trigger flashbacks when you watch movies/animes? Because I have a lot of such feelings already.

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3 responses to “A bit of a Flashback: Let me Eat Your Pancreas

  1. Looking back at those times sure brings up a lot of mixed emotions.
    Thanks for sharing something really personal and going ahead with the posting. I think it’s a rather beautiful fragment of nostalgia.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I definitely can end up feeling very nostalgic watching movies/anime and thinking back on stuff. Sometimes these are happy memories. Sometimes they are not. But I don’t think I can even count the number of times anymore that this has happened. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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