Guys, I don’t think I can do this anymore.

I have some bad news, I’m taking another hiatus, again. Indefinitely.

Why? Negative thoughts are infecting my mind faster, harder and darker than expected.

Who / What did this? I put my blame entirely on Orange. Partially on Re:Zero too.

I was expecting this show to go to the melancholic side of high school life, but I didn’t expect it would actually hit me so hard that I nearly stop tweeting for a week. Ep2 was just an appetizer, the real main course happens in ep3.

[Spoilers of EP3 is ahead, if you don’t wanna read it, just leave and read it after you watched it, no rush]

(Self-reflection)

The part when Kakeru sent Naho a note on her eraser cover was the part that destroys me. He asked Naho if he should date Ueda, she wrote no, but I’m not sure if she was too late in sending her reply or Kakeru just ignored her note. Ultimately, Kakeru accepted Ueda’s confession.

This happened back when I was still working.

My crush asked me whether if she likes a guy, should she confess to him. I was so utterly stupid back then that I told her “Why not? Its up to you.” And a few weeks later, bam, she dates my collegue. It was actually the same girl I wrote about my NagiAsu reflection btw. The note is seriously burning my wound so bad I had to take a break watching it, bad choice, I went to watch Re:Zero. After another negative note from Re:Zero, I resumed my Orange and then another 10year later scene with an emotional “suicide” letter from Kakeru.

You guys can call me weak, but that rejection has been an eternal psychological trauma that made me unable to ever have a crush ever again. Even if I do, I will most probably just stick status quo, I will not advance further to pursue her. Maybe even when a girl confesses to me which is not possible, I will most probably reject her.

I decided to call for another hiatus even when I have like 10+ shows waiting in my review post backlog because:

  • I’m seriously done holding in all this negative shit. From NagiAsu to White Album 2 and now this. Anime like to pour salt all over me, they sadistic, they wanna see me suffer in romance pain.
  • My post quality will drop, for sure. I know myself. My posts will become more negative and less enjoyable to read.
  • I need to flood myself with generic harems/comedies/RomComs to recover from this, maybe even more.
  • My perspective of running the blog will definitely change if I carry on. For the past few blog layout changes, my designs have been pretty dark if you have noticed.
  • The way I view animes will change too. I will be numbed by all the comedy and will get addicted to all those tragic shows and soon, I might become a masochist, which I don’t want.

Sorry to disappoint you guys even tho my last hiatus finished just last month and then suddenly pulling off another hiatus.

I really need to take a break, I will not drop Orange but I need to watch it in peace. See you guys whenever I’m back.

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6 responses to “Guys, I don’t think I can do this anymore.

  1. I missed the last few ep of both Orange and Re:Zero, I knew they were depressing but not this depressing,

    Either way I hope things get better and wait for your blogging return.

    Liked by 1 person

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